You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
