We won't sleep together?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
