my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
