...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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