How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
