I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
