so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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