He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
