she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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