His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
operation harelip BJ is a go
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
