I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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