he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
