sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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