why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
