Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
