Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
