With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
