Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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