so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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