I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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