I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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