I'm drive I can fine osifer
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
