Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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