Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
