I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
