Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
