I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
