allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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