I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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