i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
