I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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