i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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