one might say we're banned from that church
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
