I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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