It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
