and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
