So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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