I'm lost and stupid without you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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