These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
