My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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