How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
