Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
