Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
