I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
