I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
