I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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