turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
