He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so much tequila, so little girl.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
