I murdered the dance floor call the cops
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
