Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
