Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
