I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you had me at cake vodka
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
