Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
