My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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