hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Soap is not a condiment
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
